


Tiger Teeth

by a_grumpy_kitty



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 05:37:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4694048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_grumpy_kitty/pseuds/a_grumpy_kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>give in, give in. I want you back</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

We can never be friends. I know i know i know. "leave me alone. don't try to be my friend. don't call me anymore." i remember i remember i remember. I ignore your instructions. I call you anyway. You don't answer. You never do. Maybe you changed your number. Maybe you blocked me. I still call. I wish you would answer. I'm not drunk right now. Okay maybe i am. But now being drunk just feels normal. It feels warm and soft and fuzzy. When i'm sober i feel cold and harsh and hurt. I like this feeling better. I like only feeling our good memories. I like those ones best, like the time we went skinny dipping in myrtle beach. I miss you i miss you i miss you. I wish you missed me too. Right now though, i think i'm gonna go fall asleep in that empty booth over there. I hope no one pukes on me again. I don't wanna smell like puke when i go home. I'm gonna go home tomorrow. I haven't been home in a long time. Is it really home if i feel like a stranger though? The last time i felt at home was when i was in your arms and you sang me to sleep the night Keltie broke up with me. That was a long time ago. 6 years. Wow. I'm half asleep now i think. The lights aren't as bright but i think i'm standing up. I'm tired. I'm really tired. I think i'm on the floor now. I don't know. I'm tired.

I woke up in the hospital this morning. The nurse said a man with brown hair and a big forehead brought me in last night after i passed out in the club. Her description sounded like you. God i hope it was you. That would mean you were getting my calls. The nurse said I can go home now. I checked out and started walking. I dunno where i'm going though. I don't think my house is this way. I'm sober now and my stomach still hurts and the light is too bright outside and i feel like I'm gonna throw up but i keep walking. I walk until my feet hurt and my arms are getting burnt from the sun. I collapse under a tree on the edge of the sidewalk. I sit there for really long time but then i see you. I think. I call out your name but no one turns around. Maybe i didn't say it loud enough or you just didn't hear me. I call it out again but i'm still weak. I stand up and follow you. I walk for so long. I end up at a pretty house in the suburbs of LA. It's big and grey and white and glass and i can see a pretty pool in the backyard. I can hear dogs barking inside. You always loved dogs. I start to turn around. I'm gonna walk away. Your life is obviously better without me. This is stupid. I don't even know if this is your house. I followed a stupid fucking hallucination of you. This is probably some random person's house and they're probably gonna see me standing out here and call the fucking cops. But something inside me says i need to go ring the doorbell. If its not you i can make something up. If it is you, well, i guess i'd make something up then too. 

I walk up to your door and i ring the doorbell and i hear a Frank Sinatra song ring though out the house. Of course your doorbell is Frank Sinatra. I almost laugh. Almost. I close my eyes when i hear footsteps nearing the door.  
"um. ryan?" I almost cry when you say my name. I know you're looking at me and i know you're confused but i can't say anything. I can't even look at you. Fuck, it's been so long. I bite my lip and lift my head. god. You look so good. Your hair is shorter and you're in a white t-shirt and sweats and your glasses but you look so good you always look so good. You're looking around as if this is some prank and it's not really me.  
"hey bren." It's all i can say.  
"Um, what. What are you doing here?" You ask me. I dunno.  
"I, uh. I was in the hospital last night."  
"I heard."  
"You brought me in. You got my calls."  
"No. Some lady called me saying you were passed out and drunk and this was the only number on your phone."  
"Oh."  
"All i did was let her put you in my car and drive you to the hospital. You weren't supposed to know it was me."  
"Bren? Who's at the door?" I heard a voice from behind Brendon.  
"Uh, no one. Someone looking for directions." Oh. I was no one. I knew i was no one. It's okay.  
"You should leave, Ryan." He said, avoiding my eyes.  
"Yeah." I agreed.  
"Um, do you know of any cheap hotels around here? I'm really far from home and i don't have a car so." I said quietly.  
"You walked here?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well fuck Ry. Theres no place anywhere close to here."  
"Oh okay. I can just walk home."  
"How far of a walk is it?"  
"Uh i dunno. It was a 2 hour walk from the hospital so like 4 hours i guess."  
"Do. Do you wanna stay here for the night and then i can have Zack take you home tomorrow? It's almost 8 and i don't wanna bother him now."  
"If its not weird for you and Sarah."  
"Its fine."  
"Okay. Thanks." I say. My heart is in my throat and i feel like i'm gonna puke. He takes me to the guest room. We walk right past Sarah and don't say anything. He shows me where the bathroom is and shuts the door on his way out. 

I can hear him and Sarah yelling at each other in the kitchen. I just sit on the clean white sheets of my bed. It's been a long time since i slept in a bed by myself. I feel so gross. I'm sweaty and dirty and i haven't eaten in days. When the yelling stops, i step out of my room to see Brendon and Sarah sitting silently in the kitchen. "Um hi. I was just wondering if i could have something to eat. It's been a few days so." I stutter. I look up and Sarah has a soft smile on her face. She tells me dinner will be ready soon and has Brendon go get me some clothes to wear. I take them and go to my room. I take a shower for the first time in at least a week. These clothes are too big or maybe i'm too skinny but either way they smell like Brendon and either way i cry until Sarah asks if i wanna join them for dinner. I do.


	2. I meant everything i said that night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> only for you

Dinner is awkward. Of course its awkward, i haven't talked to you in 6 years. Sarah is polite and asks me about my friends. I guess you told her i lost my only family. I wonder if she knows you were the only family i ever knew. Do boyfriends count as family? Were you really even my boyfriend? I dunno. You were something and whatever it was, you were my home and my family and my lover and everything i ever needed. I was everything that destroyed you. You don't say anything. I didn't expect you to. Maybe its weird for you to see me in your clothes again. Maybe it's weird just to see me at all. Sarah's dinner is really good. Hawaiian barbecue chicken and asparagus and mashed potatoes. It tastes familiar but its so good and i haven't eaten in weeks and i remember. Your mom used to make this for us when we came home after we finished touring and now i'm crying at the table and Sarah is confused and you won't look at me and my lungs hurt. I can't breathe i can't breathe i can't breathe. I stand up and i leave and i'm not gonna come back. I can't come back. I sit in the middle of the road and i fucking pray for a car but then you're there and you're sitting next to me. And its dark outside and we're laying in the road and god i miss you.  
"Why'd you cry." It wasn't really a question. It was more of a statement cause you know why.  
"Your mom used to make us that."  
"Yeah. Sarah loved it and took the recipe to make for me when i come home."  
"It's not hers to take."  
"She's my wife, Ryan."  
"Yeah." I stood up and moved to your driveway.  
"Come inside, Ry."  
"Did you even miss me."  
"Ryan..."  
"Just answer me Brendon. Please."  
"I miss you every fucking day. Don't get me wrong, I love Sarah with all my heart and soul. But i miss you so goddamn much. Not as just my boyfriend but as my friend and my brother. You meant the world to me. You still do." You whisper the last part. I don't know what to say. I just hold back more tears and curl into your armpit and you put your arm around me and you lost weight. We sit there holding each other on the driveway of your house and your wife is inside and i'm such a fuck-up but this is where i'm supposed to be and i finally made it home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short! it just felt like a good place to leave off for now! thanks so much for reading!!


End file.
